One Brave Thing

For several years now, I have been saying I will write a blog.  People seem to think that this is a good thing and I need to do it.  So, here goes ...

Today I did something that years ago would have been easy, but these days it is so much more difficult.  I went to the Pub by myself.  I could have stayed at home and watched my beloved West Ham in the comfort of my recliner, but I wanted a change.  This may not seem very brave, but for me it was. I used to be far more courageous, or at least, I think I was.  Hindsight sometimes obscures what really happened by framing things with rose-tinted glasses, and you remember certain events in a certain way, that best fits the current reality.

When I was younger, going to the cinema, or out to meet friends somewhere I had never been, didn't seem to phase me as much as it does now.  I used to go to the cinema a lot on my own.  If there was a film I wanted to see, and no one else did, no problem, I'd go, maybe meet up with people afterwards.  I was independent and not afraid of doing what I wanted.

Fast forward to today.  I was up really early to cook a good breakfast for "my boys" and then I went on a long run. A cold front is blowing through Central Texas, so the weather was really good for this, and it felt good to be out.  I was in "one of those" moods, and feeling fed up, frustrated and angry.  I was also stuck in a rut that I needed to do something about.  The problem was that the pub was "downtown", I live in suburbia and public transport in Central Texas leaves a lot to be desired, especially for someone who grew up in the London area.  I don't like driving downtown, I don't like looking for a parking space, but I wanted to go.

It would have been easy to make up reasons why not to do it, but I am tired of living in a virtual world.  I wanted to get out, and needed to overcome this irrational fear and feeling of inadequacy.  So, I got myself together, left myself plenty of time to drive, and set out.  One of the reasons I don't like driving downtown is that so many people tail-gate or cut you off.  I drive a small car, I am fairly confident of my driving skills, but there seem to be a lot of idiots on the roads these days.  I get scared and angry.  However, I get to downtown.  Next problem, finding a parking space, which it turned out, was not a problem as I found a metered space relatively easily, and, better yet, had enough change to put into the parking meter.  Now, to walk into the pub.  Deep breaths, quell the rising panic.  The pub was full of rugby-lovers, but the back area, where the football (soccer) was going to be show was practically empty.  So, I sat at the bar, ordered a drink and a late breakfast/early lunch and watched the game.  There were few people there watching the game, but I met and talked with a fan of the opposition, and at half time, a fellow Hammer came in.  It was OK.  Unfortunately, the result of the game was not so good, but I did my one brave thing.

Of course, I then had to drive home, but that was easier.  I spent most of this afternoon sleeping ... a combination of being up so early, a 9-mile run, and the emotion of actually plucking up the courage to do it in the first place.  I don't know why I am so anxious about doing thing like that, maybe being permanently out of my comfort zone makes it harder to do other things.  But that's another story.